


the way I feel

by blossomgrll



Category: Madnessa - Fandom, Riverdale - Fandom, cheryl blossom - Fandom, choni - Fandom, madelaine petsch - Fandom, toni topaz - Fandom, vanessa morgan - Fandom
Genre: F/F, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 03:23:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15855228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blossomgrll/pseuds/blossomgrll
Summary: Madelaine Petsch and Vanessa Morgan are best friends off-screen and girlfriends on-screen. Madelaine is filming one of her famous weekly video with Vanessa, the fans's favorite guest, until Miss Morgan reveals something about herself that Madelaine did not know nor expect. It might change their friendship forever but was it worth it?





	1. Chapter one.

**Author's Note:**

> i have no idea what i'm doing but let me know what you think (@blossomgrll on twitter)

_Chapter one._

 

Vanessa was alone in her trailer, trying to read a book her best friend suggested. She was trying really hard but she wasn't able to focus, as the sound of the rain outside the window got way too loud. She ended up watching pieces of water falling out of the sky and started overthinking, as usual. It was a rainy day and she was not happy. See, Vanessa always liked rainy days. I might even say, **she loved them.** However, she had to shoot a scene outside today but the weather made it impossible to do anything. So, she had to wait. It usually wouldn't have bothered her since she wouldn't call herself an impatient person. It wouldn't have, if the scene didn't include a very hot make-out session with her so called best friend. 

She met Madelaine two years ago and she quickly became the closest person she's ever had. Vanessa wasn't good with relationships, let alone friendships. She was the type of person who got bored easily, always trying new things but Madelaine was different. One thing Vanessa absolutely loved about her best friend was her sense of humor and she wasn't the 'i make a lot of jokes to make everyone laugh' type of funny, she was so fun to be around that people always thought _"God, I wish I had her in my life"._ Vanessa was aware of how lucky she was, having Madelaine as her best friend, so she swore to herself that she would never let her go. Madelaine was also incredibly smart, no matter the topic, she would always have something to say or to add. Last but not least, she was absolutely gorgeous, Vanessa would be crazy if she didn't recognise that. To her, Mad's beauty was beyond the words we speak. In one sentence, Travis was a lucky man. 

She didn't mind them being together, Madelaine was happy and it's the only thing that matters to Vanessa. Although, she couldn't deny that she sometimes caught herself being jealous of the fact that Madelaine was his. Honestly who wouldn't?  
Vanessa was just somehow glad that she at least meant something to the girl, being her best friend wasn't nothing as they shared moments and had a huge connexion. Truth is, Vanessa never expected anything from Madelaine. She was aware that her best friend was completely straight and in love with her man. It was okay. She was okay. 

"Thinking about me?" Madelaine interrupted, the girl was laughing while opening the door of Vanessa's trailer. 

**If only you knew,** Vanessa thought to herself.

"You wish." She finally answered with a smirk on her face. 

Madelaine was looking around until something caught her attention, a huge smile appeared on her face.

"Is that the book I suggested?"

"It is. I've read some pretty interesting things, is there a hidden message?" Vanessa wasn't sure how she had the audacity to say something like that to her face, she probably knew that her best friend wouldn't get it and thank god, she didn't.

"What do you mean?" Madelaine asked anyway, knowing damn well Vanessa wouldn't answer, mystery was her thing. It was cute, attractive even.

"So what are you doing here?" Vanessa eyed the girl, waiting for an answer. They were both exhausted so when they weren't filming, they just enjoyed doing nothing or resting. Plus, they were together all the time so they didn't mind being apart from each other for a couple of hours.

"Since we can't do anything else, I thought we could film our video right now?"

"Damn, you really can't get enough of me." Vanessa's tone was flirty but Madelaine wouldn't call this flirting at all, it was just how Vanessa was. She said things like that all the time to literally everyone, like it didn't matter. Sometimes Madelaine wished she didn't, she wished it was their thing only but Vanessa's flirty lines was a part of her personality.

"Unless you want to keep reading my awesome book?"

"Oh, it's your book now? I'm pretty sure I bought it." Vanessa was trying really hard not to laugh, she knew she was making Mads crazy. She loved it.

"God Vanessa, are you coming or what?"

Vanessa dropped the book, taking Madelaine's hand and following the girl to her trailer. 

\--------------

 

"Basically it's a Q&A, people ask us questions and we have to-" 

"I know what a Q&A is, Mads." 

"Hey I'm just checking since you don't know the difference between your and you're, we never know." 

"Ouch. Touché"

She pretended to be offended but it was one out of the many things that Vanessa that loved about her best friend. She always had great comebacks.

'Hey guys it's Madelaine and today I'm with your favourite guest!"

"Hey everyone, apparently you guys love me more than Mads so I might start my own youtube channel"

"You would be so bad at this" Madelaine started laughing, thinking about Vanessa making videos.

"Oh my god, it would be awful" She almost cried of laughter at the thought, they really couldn't stay focused more than a few minutes.

"We decided to do a Q&A as many.." Vanessa wasn't listening anymore, she was just looking at Madelaine. It was like a drug, she couldn't stop. God, she was beautiful. Was it even allowed? No doubt people from all around the world fell in love with her, she had it all. She started biting her lips before remembering that they were filming. 

"... And she is my **best friend.** " Vanessa hated that stupid word but she acted as if nothing was wrong. She knew damn well how to do that.

"First question, which celebrity would you like to date?" Madelaine asked, looking at Vanessa. 

"Zac Efron." That was completely false but she had to answer quickly to make sure her best friend doesn't notice anything.

"I'd date Travis. He's the best. " Of course she would say that, V thought to herself. 

"So.. A lot of fans are asking about you and Vero, they seem to think you guys were dating or something" Madelaine paused, laughing a little. "To end the debate, don't believe everything you see on the internet guys. It's like saying Vanessa and I are dating and we're both straight." 

"I'm not." It was too much for Vanessa. She hated the way Mads assumed her sexuality but she was always scared that it might change something between the both of them. 

"What?" Madelaine could barely talk as she was too confused, things like that never happened before. Vanessa's tone was cold and firm, she never heard her best friend speak like that or at least not to her. 

"I'm not straight" She was avoiding eye contact with Madelaine, knowing it was too dangerous. She wasn't ashamed of who she was, not at all. Everyone pretty much knew about it, as a matter of fact. It was just more complicated with Madelaine. It was different.

"You're joking right?" Madelaine tried, smiling as if something was funny.

"Do I look like I'm joking?" Vanessa's tone was truly starting to scare her best friend. 

"I don't know, you never told me about it." Madelaine's voice was shaking, Vanessa could tell she was hurt.

"I figured out you knew. I'm not the type to talk about it all day but anyone could've figured out"

"So what I'm just anyone now? I'm your fucking best friend, you don't keep things like that from me." 

"It doesn't even matter, it's not like I'm in love with you or something" Vanessa joked, but for some reason, that made Madelaine feel even worse.

"Well.. Okay... Don't worry... I'm obviously going to cut that." Madelaine tried to keep her shit together but her world was falling apart. She had no idea why she was feeling that way. It shouldn't change anything, right?

"What?"

"I'm not going to post it, Vanessa"

"Why not? You think I'm ashamed? I'm bisexual, so what? What the fuck is wrong with you?" At this point, Vanessa was done. She never expected Madelaine to go like 'Oh, you're into girls? So am I' but she never expected _this_. This was clearly a disaster.

"It's not that." Madelaine didn't know what to do or how to act. She wanted to take everything back, if only she could.

"Then what it is? God, do you have something against gay people?"

"Oh my god, of course not. Vanessa, I don't care" And she meant it, Vanessa knew she did. Something weird was going on but she knew her best friend wasn't that type of person. 

"I don't know anymore, you're going all Penelope Blossom on me" Vanessa paused, looking at Madelaine who was about to cry. "I can't. I have to go"

"Wait, don't!" Madelaine tried to stop her but Vanessa was much stronger. 

"For the record, I did date Vero" And with that last revelation, she slammed the door. 

Madelaine wasn't just sad anymore, she felt something way more powerful. 

_Jealously. She was jealous._

Is that why she reacted this way? She knew she wasn't into girls but sharing her best friend isn't really something she enjoyed doing. Why, though? It didn't bother her with her former best friend or her friends. What was different this time? 

A loud scream interrupted her, she immediately recognized Vanessa's voice and started panicking. Was she hurt? Was she okay? She opened her trailer's door, only to find out Drew and Jordan pranking her. They awkwardly looked at each other, she was laughing in Jordan's arms. At least one of them was happy. 

Madelaine went back in, tears running down her face. She fucked up, she knew she did. What she couldn't understand was why. She tried to get the girl off her mind but all she was thinking about was Vanessa and that goddamn scream, why was she even thinking about that? She needed to talk to someone but it wasn't the kind of thing she could mention to her boyfriend. She took her phone, checking her snapchat stories to think about something else, she opened Vanessa's post from two hours ago. It was a quote from Madelaine's favourite book.

**Chocolates**

**She was the kind of girl,  
** who loved to stretch out  
under the sheets,  
eating chocolate,  
reading books,  
and fucking on  
rainy afternoons. 

Madelaine leaned her head against the window, watching the rain fall on the ground while remembering what Vanessa told her an hour before.  
"I've read some pretty interesting things, is there a hidden message?" Vanessa's voice was stuck in her head.

She couldn't help but laugh,

_God, Vanessa Morgan was something else._


	2. Chapter two.

_Chapter two._

 

Madelaine was asleep on her trailer when she heard Camila's voice. She made some loud noise, trying to wake up. She was a mess, it took her some time to think about what happened a few hours ago. It wasn't a nightmare but it felt like one. Camila could tell something was wrong but she wanted Madelaine to break the silence, after all if she didn't want to talk about it she wasn't going to force her. She knew it wasn't about Travis, Madelaine had some fights with him already but she was never like _this._ This was pretty serious. 

"I fucked up, Cami." Madelaine sounded like she was about to cry which truly broke Camila's heart. 

Camila was Madelaine's closest friend from the Riverdale cast, besides Vanessa of course. They could always count on each other and most importantly, they both loved making fun of Cole. They were friends since the beginning of season one but lately they've grown much closer, they both trusted each other and Madelaine knew that if she was going to mention what happened to anyone, it was to Camila. Her friendship with Camila was nothing like the one she had with Vanessa, Camila was her sister, _she was family._

"Did something happen between you and Vanessa?" Camila asked, not knowing that mentioning the girl's name was going to provoke many things on Madelaine's body.

"How- How do you know?" 

"She doesn't want to leave her trailer and well, you're a mess." She tried to joke but Madelaine didn't feel like laughing. She didn't feel anything, all she wanted was Vanessa and well, she lost the girl.

"Did you know Vanessa... wasn't straight?" 

"Of course, who didn't?" Camila started laughing before looking at Madelaine's serious face. "Oh God, you didn't." She paused, as she was really not expecting this from them. Madelaine and Vanessa had a huge connexion, it was safe to assume they shared everything. "But you're her best friend.."

"My point exactly" 

"She didn't tell me anything, you know" Camila shrugged her shoulders. "I figured out. The way she looks at girls, the way she talks about girls, the way she talks _to_ girls." 

"I'm so stupid. I'm supposed to be her best friend" Madelaine's voice was shaking once again. First, she didn't pay attention to her own best friend's sexuality and now she reacted this way when she finally felt comfortable telling her. At this very moment, she hated herself. Vanessa deserved much better, she deserved the world.

"Can't blame her, girls are HOT." Camila said, the girl really didn't know how to be serious. 

"Camila." Madelaine's tone was firm.

"Okay. Not the right time, what have you done?" She asked, not expecting Madelaine's answer.

"I went all Penelope Blossom on her." Madelaine looked away, she was ashamed and she knew she was right to. She couldn't even say it with actual words.

"You did what?" Camila paused. "Do you have something against-"

"Oh my god, no. I just felt... betrayed" 

"I guess it's an important part of herself that you didn't know, you're right to feel this way but you should never make her feel like she's not valid or something like that. Not being straight isn't easy, Mads, but of course you wouldn't know. Talk to her, you're Madelaine and Vanessa, you can work this out" Madelaine couldn't help but smile, Camila was not the type to be serious or to give real advices but she did and it meant something. If she thought they could get over this, maybe it was possible. 

"I will, I promise"

"Good, I came here to tell you that you can go home. It's still raining outside so you will shoot the scene tomorrow." That was the last thing Camila said before leaving her trailer.

God, **the scene.** How could she forget about that? How was she supposed to make out with Vanessa as if nothing happened?

 

\--------------------------

8:03AM. Madelaine barely slept. She tried to call Vanessa all night but of course, the girl was ignoring her. She couldn't blame her, she deserved that. 

She was used to call her best friend first thing in the morning so they could drink coffee or tea and go to work together. She tried to reach her, not even hoping anymore. She went to work by herself. She wasn't alone but she wasn't with Vanessa which was pretty much the same thing if you ask her. It felt weird, it felt _wrong._

Madelaine was late, it probably had to do with the fact that for the first time in her life, she wasn't excited to go to work. Of course, she loved what she was doing more than anything and she knew how lucky she was but without Vanessa, everything pretty much felt useless. Madelaine was going to talk to Vanessa before the scene, she couldn't ignore her that way. Everyone was already on set, she dropped her bag and she was ready to join Vanessa until something, or should I say someone, caught her attention. It was Veronica. Not Veronica Lodge, the character, she wished it was just that. But unfortunately, it was Veronica Iglesias, Vanessa's apparently ex-girlfriend. It was back, the thing she felt earlier, the anger, the jealously. It was powerful and it was back. What the hell was she doing here? Is that why she wouldn't leave her trailer? Were they still dating? 

"Vanessa, Madelaine, you're next" Vanessa rolled her eyes and Madelaine did the same thing. She didn't want to talk to her anymore, after all she didn't seem to miss her. 

The scene was pretty intense, Madelaine had to sit on Vanessa's lap. She convinced herself that acting was more important than whatever was going on between the two (former?) best friends, it was her passion and she wasn't going to give everything up for Vanessa. 

"Vanessa, put your hand on Madelaine's thigh" And so she did. Madelaine could have sworn she felt something in her stomach. She loved being this close to Vanessa, she needed her in her life. 

"Perfect. Now, kiss" They both looked at each other, Vanessa's eyes were filled with hate. It was killing Madelaine that her best friend thought she wasn't accepting her but she couldn't apologize, she couldn't because Veronica was watching their scene and she wasn't supposed to be here. It was supposed to be their moment. 

Madelaine was looking at Vanessa's lips, she knew she had to do something before everyone start noticing that something is obviously going on. The problem is, Toni is the one kissing Cheryl in the scene and Vanessa was clearly not into it. She froze, avoiding Madelaine's eyes. 

"I can't do this" Only Madelaine could hear what she said. Her heart broke and she felt like it was the right time to tell her how sorry she was, she was about to say something when she got interrupted. 

"What is going on? We don't have all day" Both of them had no idea what to do or how it was going to end up. They didn't move, they couldn't even look at each other anymore.

"Hey, baby. It's okay, just imagine it's me" Veronica said, looking at Vanessa. Vanessa couldn't help but laugh, winking at the girl. 

Madelaine couldn't believe what she heard. First of all, baby? So many things were wrong with that sentence. Mads wasn't hesitating anymore, she knew what she had to do, at least she knew what she wanted to do. She placed her hand on Vanessa's cheek, causing the girl to finally meet her gaze. God, she was beautiful. With her free hand, she possessively grabbed Vanessa's hip before crushing their lips together. Vanessa also grabbed Madelaine's thigh in which her hand was already on, before placing both of her hands behind Madelaine's neck, making them even closer. To her surprise, Madelaine decided to go all french kiss which she never did before. Vanessa couldn't help but smile against her lips, as Madelaine's tongue was dancing with her own. Madelaine had control. Something was different.

"Cut! That was... intense. Thank you girls" Madelaine smiled, thinking about all the things she felt while kissing her best friend. Vanessa immediately stood back, running away to her trailer followed by Veronica. 

\---------------------------------------

_Two days._

Two days since they kissed. Two days since Vanessa went home. Two days since Madelaine saw her for the last time. Two days since they both talked to each other. Two days. 

This kiss wasn't Cheryl and Toni, it was Madelaine and Vanessa, they both knew it. They had to talk about it, so why was Vanessa ignoring her? 

Was she too busy with Veronica? Madelaine immediately thought about something else. She hated thinking about that. Vanessa was **hers.** As her best friend, maybe as more, she was completely hers. Madelaine knew her best friend, so she figured it she wasn't going to reply anytime soon. The thing is, she really needed to talk to her, to hold her, to see her. She needed her. That's why she was currently in a airport at 6AM, waiting for the plane that will take her to Vanessa. Madelaine knew she couldn't ignore her that way. For some reason, she felt like this could work. For a minute, she was happy. She was about to get into the plane, smiling as if she was going to Disneyland. She quickly checked her phone, as a notification appeared.

**" @VanessaMorgan RT: Who is Vanessa Morgan, Michael Kopech's new girlfriend? "**

She couldn't move anymore, as her heart completely broke. 


End file.
